If it's too loud then your too old!

In the wisdom of my favorite song writer, Jimmy Buffett:
"I'm growing older but not up.
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck.
The winds of time blow over my head,
I'd rather die while I'm living than
Live while I'm dead!"

In interesting phenomena has transpired over the past month since my last musing. Something I never expected, hit me between the eyes and I'm grateful for it. What could it possibly be you're probably asking. It's this, Facebook. Ahhhh...worth the anticipation right? No? I'll extrapolate.

Three days before the Hubb's came home with the announcement that he was going to yank me out the of place I loved and force me back into the barren dirty tinder box I loathed (hmmm..that maybe harsh, sorry babe) one of my close friends from high school suggested I join Facebook. Seems that she had been a member and was now in contact with several of our NJROTC classmates. Not being one to spend much time in cyber space, I hadn't experienced myspace, facebook or utube. But I took the plunge and created a FB account.

Within minutes I was being 'friend requested' by a guy I'd known while attending one of my 6 years of community college. I noted the small surge of excitement jumping in my belly as I saw a name I hadn't seen or thought about in years. Moments after that more and more names popped up. Suddenly I was flush with delight and excitement. "Oh she has 4 kids." or "He is still in AZ!" I was hooked in a big way!

Four days later, I was in shock at our potential move and spent more time lost in the land of FB. It was cathartic and healing. Fast forward 4 months. A few weeks back I met an old friend for lunch. I hadn't seen Charlie Brown (remember I change names to protect friends from me) in 15 years. I was nervous but as soon as I drove into the parking lot and saw him standing in the exact same stance I remember from ROTC, I laughed. I'd recognize him anywhere. During our marathon talk fest over gyros, he made a comment that stuck with me. He mentioned that a few years back he was having an issue remembering who he was and began contacting our old friends in an effort reconnect with his former self. (I'm sorry if I'm telling stories out of school Charlie Brown but this was so brilliant I needed to expand on it) This was a mind blowing concept for me as I was struggling with our move back to my hometown.

His comment stayed in my mind over the next two weeks until this past Sunday when a small group of ROTC alums met for a BBQ. I was terrified. My hands were shaking as the Hubb's and I made our way up to the area our group was waiting. I didn't have the foggiest idea what to expect. I'd seen a 2 of these peeps 10+ years earlier but only had brief FB contact in the months prior.

Well, we joined the group and hugs and spouse/child introductions were abound. As my usual MO, I stepped back and watched for a few seconds. While I may not have immediately recognized each of these people, suddenly in my mind's eye they were transforming back into the sweet faces I remember from 20 years ago. Hair was returning, tummies were slimming, the smiles, laughter and voices were suddenly placing me back to a time that was wonderful though questionable in its fashion sense.

Over the next few hours, a couple of our parents showed up and I was happily presenting old photographs to my very first boyfriend's 16 year old daughter WHO I might add, is 2 years older than we were when we held hands between classes and passed dorky notes! I was laughing with the wives and teasing the boys. It was one of the best moments I've had in the recent months. It was as if the past 15 years of life had equalized us all but yet we were all going back to a more innocent time.

A few days later I'm still in the euphoria of memory. I posted pics old and new and laughed hysterically at comments and photos they are now posting. Charlie Brown's profound statement is foremost in my mind. As I am searching again for who I am exactly I could see it for myself in this experience with my old pals. I'm the girl who wore a weird hat to Jr. prom and still remembered for it. I'm the girl who didn't now the pain some of these great friends were experiencing in high school but can pray for now. But more importantly, I can see that things I loved about these people in high school were still there just with more confidence and refinement. My 1st beau can still make me laugh until I wet myself. His best friend is still the perfect pairing and has a sincere heart. The quiet blond is bolder but still gentle and one of my dearest friends. The one who had a secret now has peace in his face that he lacked for 4 years!

Now I ponder the question, can we discover who we've become by looking at who we were? I know my answer. What's yours?