We need more Madonna's

I love the show Glee. I was in LA all last week with the Hubb's so I had to watch my recorded episode this afternoon. It was the much talked about MADONNA episode. The entire episode was filled with her songs while plot revolved around the female cast taking back the power of themselves and for the male cast to get it together and respect the girls. It was fab, catch it if you can online. A side note I'm ready for more Madonnas. Lady GaGa is a good start but I'm ready for more female empowerment role models! Anyway back to our story...

I grew up watching Madonna videos, dancing around my room with my cousin and wearing wrists full of rubber bracelets. As an adult I see what she provocative she was and I have to laugh that my parents didn't object to their 10 year old singing "Like a Virgin" or "Papa don't Preach". I was raised by wolves and but that's for another blog.

Thinking about Madonna right now is fitting due to the strange week I had romping around my old 'hood. I spent a lot of time with Chiquita and her squeeze Vesuvius. The main topic of conversations and a big issue in my mind for the past several months was about appearances. Namely the way we dress ourselves. Ugh...who am I kidding it was about how I dress myself. The Hubbs is being promoted faster than I can keep up with and because of his quick rise in the company his appearance is becoming more important. It's a challenge he's well equipped for and between you and me, I think he rather enjoys.

The prepster everyone knows and loves wasn't always so. As a matter of fact when I met Hubbs 11 years ago he had black hair to his waist, a goatee, leather jacket, skin tight jeans, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I described this vision of bad-ass to my new friend and future cousin-in-law a few weeks back and she laughed out loud. I don't think she believes me. I have to bring pics to the next family gathering.

Several years ago, without me realizing it, Hubbs began a drastic transformation. It began with his teeth and 4 painful years of braces. Then went the hair to a very neat and clipped do. The final piece was the clothes. Gosh so I miss those painted on jeans! *sigh* I digress...

While I miss my bad-boy the truth is he looks fabulous but more importantly he's comfortable in his skin and feels that his look represents who he is. So how does this all relate to me and Madonna? Here my answer, I'm jealous. Madonna was never the prettiest chick singer but damn if she wasn't the most talked about and admired!! She tried every kind of look and seemed to enjoy them all. I believe her popularity is due impart to her confidence and being strong in her own skin. I can't think of a time I've ever been comfortable in my skin or felt my clothes represented me. Its a struggle I've had for 2 decades! Now we're in a position that I need to be a better dressed partner for all the dinners and events that keep popping up. I keep missing the mark and then feel awkward during and after.

After months of analysis and a very truthful (and uncomfortable) conversation with Chiquita, Vesuvius and Hubbs. I think I finally get what my problem is...ready for this? I'm nuts! OK I'm kidding...sort of. I know I'm not a dog. No one is throwing rocks at me (thanks for that line Vesuvius). Its not that I ever felt ugly but I 'bloomed' VERY early. I woke up one day around age 12 with C cup ta-tas. I became very popular at the dances with the boys but less so with the girls...for obvious reasons! I figured out very quickly that the uglier I could make myself the easier it was to get along with other girls in my classes. Gag...it sounds so pathetic typed out! I should have found better friends but I didn't.

I took that twisted mentality thru high school and then onto dating. I dated this one guy that 'preferred' me to look 'casual' . He even went so far as to buy me the ugliest clothes I have ever seen! I had more over sized denim and khaki tan shirts than I'll ever need in one life time! I'll save you all the events between then and now but lets just say that I ended up dressing some very cute girls while my own wardrobe left A LOT to be desired.

Fast forward 2010 and I'm having lunch with my new friend/future cousin-in-law, I'll call her Beane. Beane is beyond fab! She dresses like a star and has the body for it. During our lunch the thought occured to me that she doesn't apologize for who she is (not that she should but you know what I'm sayin) and more importantly she's darn comfortable in her own skin no matter where she is. I was awe struck. I wanted some of that.

I needed an action plan but had no idea where to begin. We've talked about my previous shopping problem so I knew just going out to buy things wasn't the answer but what was? The conclusion I've come too is this: my brain seems to be wired all crazy so I'm going to over-ride the circuit. Every time I begin to feel insecure and dress-down I'm going to do the opposite. I trust Chiquita, Vesuvius and Hubbs when then tell me that I'm not representing myself correctly so in this one case I'm going to substitute their judgment for mine and fake it till I make it.

So if you happen to run into me and I'm wearing my cut off sweat pants and an over sized CSUF t-shirt shake your finger at me and tell me to go home and change~