This Kalifornia Gurl says Ciao for Now!

There's an interesting phenomenon in the practice of yoga. As I'm sure you know yoga consists of various poses while centering your energy around your breath. For example you want to wrap your right leg around the left side of your head all the while breathing like you're giving birth to a baby llama. That's just me? Ok... the phenomenon I'm talking about is while in getting into some of these poses you'll find that your body just isn't ready for it. It can be any pose from downward dog to cobra to a headstand.

I have a weak low back that I've been working on strengthening since I sprained it 3 years ago. Cobra has been the pose that I have not been able to do for the past year. Partly because of weak muscles and partly out of fear I'll hurt myself again. About 2 weeks ago while in my Vinyasa yoga class we were put thru a series of poses and in the middle were instructed to go into cobra. Suddenly I was in the pose! I was shocked. It just happened without struggle or pain. I don't recall thinking about it before hand either. Boom! There I was legs pressed into the mat, elbows at my side and pulled back, and heart extended forward. It was an exhilarating moment for me.

A little time after my cobra debut I was talking to an instructor who mentioned how she loves in yoga that the body will tell 'you' when it's ready for a pose. After struggling with something for a period of time it'll just happen with ease. *gasp* I know right?! That just happened to me!! I want to yell. It got me thinking...as does most everything in my life. (My brains hurts sometimes from so much 'thinking'.) Does this yoga phenomenon happen in other areas of our existence?

This past weekend I went to my old stomping ground for a last minute trip with my mom. My Jazzercise mentor's 20th anniversary class was Saturday and a friend suggested I surprise her. It was also Conchita's birthday. In a spur of the moment decision I decided to go and the mom agreed it'd be a fun escape for a few days. Over the course of 4 days the mom was exposed to the 10 years of life and growth I had while living there. She hadn't visited much and by her own admission she didn't really know what my life was like. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that I had walked her thru every major event, job, home, friend and habit I had while living there. By Saturday I was exhausted and somewhat withdrawn. I was confused and a little sad though I knew it wasn't because I missed living there. Conchita pointed out my mood a few times but between the 3 of us we couldn't figure it out the root cause. I finally chalked it up to PMS and exhaustion.

We are back to yoga Monday morning and I'm in my now famous cobra pose. As I'm breathing my llama labor breath a thought presented itself right dead center in my brain; "that period of my life is finished. The decade I spent growing and living in SoCal was what it was exactly what it was supposed to be and its over now and a new time is beginning." Holy crap! I was a stunned as I was when my body decided it liked cobra. It just happened without much consciousness from me. My brain and emotions decided I was done and had the strength to go onto the next 'pose'.

The rest of the day I kept testing myself by reliving memories that usually make me angry or sad and they did neither. It felt more like seeing something behind glass. I know it's there but I can't touch it only admire it through different eyes. I'm sure if I really wanted too I could break the glass and grab it with both hands but I don't think I want to do that right now.

In the past 18 months I've had to say goodbye to alot of things. From people to habits to clothes (see previous blogs). This time I didn't feel the sadness I felt with those other goodbyes. This felt acknowledging and liberating. All of that time is still here with me. It'll be in my writing and in my relationships. But it won't be in a large heavy emotional streamer trunk I'm carrying around everywhere I go. It's now compressed down into an ipod app titled "amy's life". I can tape the app and visit when ever I'd like but it won't launch itself. Well... it might but hopefully not as often as it used too.

So what now you ask? Not a clue. I am learning Italian, working on a script and dressing better. Hmmm...usually I'm dressing better. Full disclosure right now I'm in my fave holey cut off sweat pants and my CSUF alumni T. But HEY, it's just me and you right? I'll change before I run to the mall.

Until we meet again!