As I was pondering this year’s events I recalled Eliot Spitzer’s nickname, Client #9. This brought forth to mind the 90s song Mambo #5 by Lou Bega. It was trapped in my head for the rest of the day and this is what came of it. As you read, hum along:
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo Number 5
One, two, three, four, five
Obama’s in the House and c’mon
Let's hide the check book in the drawer because
The boys say they want ‘a bail out’
But we really don't wannapay for their private planes
I must stay deep
Because their talk is cheap
We resent Fannie and Freddie and Ford and GM
And as I continue you know
They are getting in deeper
So what can they do they really beg and you complain
To them money it's like sport, while we get to pay
It's all good let them dump it
Please set in the trumpet
Chorus:
A little bit of Spitzer in her bed
A little bit of metals Phelps led
A little bit of Clay says he gay
A little bit of Prop 8 Cali say no way
A little bit of weather in the south
A little bit of Hilary back in the House
A little bit of Edwards has an affair
A little bit of Brittany grows back her hair
Thanks for indulging me. I hope no one was offended. ☺ Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Eau de Salvation
I belong to a women's bible study group that meets on Tuesday mornings. Because of my particular brand of humor the back of the room is usually the safest place for me. Yesterday morning was no expection. The pastor's wife was leading that mornings lesson over the last chaper of Hosea. Some backgroud information will be necessary for you to understand my vision. In the 12th chapter it states in v. 6 "His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon." Our wise leader (and that is said without any sarcasm. She is wise!) made the analogy that cedar keeps away moths and smells better than moth balls and could be like keeping evil off of God's children. In a burst of joy and enthusiam she exclaims "how wonderful we can cover ourselves in the fragrance of Jesus Christ!" To the rousing applause my mind suddenly transported to another place instantly. Why don't you come with me now:
SCENE: BEACH AT SUNRISE
THE SAND IS SOFT AND PERFECT AS THE WAVES ROLL GENTLY ASHORE. IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE HARD SURF. THE MORNING IS PEACEFUL. IN THE SKY A LONE CLOUD APPEARS AND THE SUN SCATTERS ITS RAYS AROUND IT. FROM THE CLOUD A FORM BEGINS A DESCEND AS IT GROWS CLOSER TO EARTH THE OUTLINE OF A MAN IN A ROBE BECOMES CLEARER. THE MAN LANDS GRACEFULLY ON THE SAND AND TURNS TO THE CAMERA. HE HOLDS UP A BOTTLE IN HIS HAND AND SAYS:
"Salvation the newest fragrance by JCAM" (Jesus Christ Almighty)
END SCENE
Meanwhile back at the bible study, I'm doubled over with my hand in my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It wasn't good enough if the evil eyes I was getting was any indicator. I suppose to some this sort of humor is offensive but I have to go with the fact that I love the Lord and he made me this way! To quote my mother "somethin' happened to your brains along time ago!" I'm not sure what exactly but that's ok! If God didn't have a sense of humor Himself would he have made the platypus?
SCENE: BEACH AT SUNRISE
THE SAND IS SOFT AND PERFECT AS THE WAVES ROLL GENTLY ASHORE. IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THE HARD SURF. THE MORNING IS PEACEFUL. IN THE SKY A LONE CLOUD APPEARS AND THE SUN SCATTERS ITS RAYS AROUND IT. FROM THE CLOUD A FORM BEGINS A DESCEND AS IT GROWS CLOSER TO EARTH THE OUTLINE OF A MAN IN A ROBE BECOMES CLEARER. THE MAN LANDS GRACEFULLY ON THE SAND AND TURNS TO THE CAMERA. HE HOLDS UP A BOTTLE IN HIS HAND AND SAYS:
"Salvation the newest fragrance by JCAM" (Jesus Christ Almighty)
END SCENE
Meanwhile back at the bible study, I'm doubled over with my hand in my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It wasn't good enough if the evil eyes I was getting was any indicator. I suppose to some this sort of humor is offensive but I have to go with the fact that I love the Lord and he made me this way! To quote my mother "somethin' happened to your brains along time ago!" I'm not sure what exactly but that's ok! If God didn't have a sense of humor Himself would he have made the platypus?
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Nipple Rings Anyone?!
Did that title get your attention? Nipple rings were the topic on my mind most of the weekend. Not to worry, I'm about to tell you why.
Saturday the Hubs' had to be at a Blues Festival and I was invited to tag along. Being a sideline blues fan I said sure. Sounded like fun. As some of you who know me personally can attest, I find myself in some odd situations. This festival was no exception.
I got there a little later than the Hubs' and when I took my seat in the lawn he informed me that the guy on the blanket next to me had nipple rings. C'mon, we live in Southern Cali, nipple rings are no biggie. The Hubs' goes back to his obligation at the festival and I take a gander around the crowd. Cool group. There was a hugely diverse cross section of people. Black, white, Asian, young, old, you name it. There was a larger number of what my dad likes to call 'old burners' rocking out. You know the type, aging hippies with tie dyed t's, long beards streaked with grays and a pony tail that starts with a hairline in the midsection of his scalp. Of course these guys have tattoos and nipple rings! I love these guys!
My gaze fell on one of these said hippies to my left and I assumed that this was the ring-offender. I gazed on. The gentleman directly next to me caught my attention by his lack of hippie-ness. He was probably in his late 50s/early 60s. Short curly gray hair, glasses, clean jeans, you know, the basic bank VP. He was removing his shirt when my eyes fell on him. Much to my humor and shock two bright shiny nipple rings appeared. I couldn't stop staring not even when the Hubs' came back and tried to get my attention.
In the grand scheme of things 2 nipple rings on a middle aged man probably not that big of a deal especially in Southern Cali. What totally delighted me was the shock factor of this guy. Picture your dad or favorite Uncle Phil removing his shirt at the Labor Day BBQ and wham mo, 2 shiny metal rings dangling from his pecs. Never mind what mom or Aunt Ruth is doing with these rings in private. The shock is fun if not a little disturbing.
In my decade of living in Cali, I've come to appreciate and crave the unexpected in people. Now I'm not talking about the discovery of addictions or crimes. I'm talking about the clean cut housewife with a full suit of tattoos or the grandparents that dress alike and tear up the dance floor at Disneyland. These things make us...well us. I had an interesting childhood and the biggest thing I took from it was we are NOT what we appear to be. So what's your shock factor? Is there a pole in your bedroom? Dream about being on stage with a smokey blues band? If you had no chance at failure or judgment what would you do?
Sincerely,
The Punkin
Pssst...I'm the one dreaming of singing with a blues band.
Saturday the Hubs' had to be at a Blues Festival and I was invited to tag along. Being a sideline blues fan I said sure. Sounded like fun. As some of you who know me personally can attest, I find myself in some odd situations. This festival was no exception.
I got there a little later than the Hubs' and when I took my seat in the lawn he informed me that the guy on the blanket next to me had nipple rings. C'mon, we live in Southern Cali, nipple rings are no biggie. The Hubs' goes back to his obligation at the festival and I take a gander around the crowd. Cool group. There was a hugely diverse cross section of people. Black, white, Asian, young, old, you name it. There was a larger number of what my dad likes to call 'old burners' rocking out. You know the type, aging hippies with tie dyed t's, long beards streaked with grays and a pony tail that starts with a hairline in the midsection of his scalp. Of course these guys have tattoos and nipple rings! I love these guys!
My gaze fell on one of these said hippies to my left and I assumed that this was the ring-offender. I gazed on. The gentleman directly next to me caught my attention by his lack of hippie-ness. He was probably in his late 50s/early 60s. Short curly gray hair, glasses, clean jeans, you know, the basic bank VP. He was removing his shirt when my eyes fell on him. Much to my humor and shock two bright shiny nipple rings appeared. I couldn't stop staring not even when the Hubs' came back and tried to get my attention.
In the grand scheme of things 2 nipple rings on a middle aged man probably not that big of a deal especially in Southern Cali. What totally delighted me was the shock factor of this guy. Picture your dad or favorite Uncle Phil removing his shirt at the Labor Day BBQ and wham mo, 2 shiny metal rings dangling from his pecs. Never mind what mom or Aunt Ruth is doing with these rings in private. The shock is fun if not a little disturbing.
In my decade of living in Cali, I've come to appreciate and crave the unexpected in people. Now I'm not talking about the discovery of addictions or crimes. I'm talking about the clean cut housewife with a full suit of tattoos or the grandparents that dress alike and tear up the dance floor at Disneyland. These things make us...well us. I had an interesting childhood and the biggest thing I took from it was we are NOT what we appear to be. So what's your shock factor? Is there a pole in your bedroom? Dream about being on stage with a smokey blues band? If you had no chance at failure or judgment what would you do?
Sincerely,
The Punkin
Pssst...I'm the one dreaming of singing with a blues band.
Welcome to the Punkin Blog
Happy September and welcome to my first attempt at blogging. After a year of prompting from my more technically savy co-horts, I'm venturing out into the cyber-unknown. Patience is appreciated!
While I don't have a specific theme in mind, I can promise there will be humor and musings you may or may not agree with but will hopefully make you think about things in a different way.
Until we meet again,
The Punkin
While I don't have a specific theme in mind, I can promise there will be humor and musings you may or may not agree with but will hopefully make you think about things in a different way.
Until we meet again,
The Punkin
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