Are you counting on accountability?

"Hello my name is Amy and I'm a big ol' slacker." Everyone together "HI AMY"

I thought that would feel good getting off my chest but not really. I suppose it's because I'm not a slacker per se but a person who when not provided with boundaries, goals and accountability slips into a life of well...slacking. This realization began about 2 weeks ago when I was distressed for the billionth time that I wasn't losing weight. I mean c'mon I got the freakin' salad at Rumbi's and ma and I split dessert at Yard House. What the heck man I'm doing my part?

*I'm hanging my head in embarrassment* I found out the caloric intake of my salad and my half of dessert but more on that later.

In my distressed state a question occurred to me, what is drives some people? You know the people I'm talking about, the individuals who put in the extra hours at work, not for the cash but because of their commitment or drive for knowledge. They are the same people eating the healthy choice option in a restaurant and sipping a cocktail of soda water and vodka verses the margarita and cheeseburger in front of you and me? I chewed on that question for several days. I wanted that drive again. I wanted to be inspired to be the best physically I can be and attempt some success in a career.

I should qualify this by saying I'm not the girl that hates skinny chicks with the Jolie arms. Well...most of the time I don't. I occasionally want to smack one but the majority of the time I get it. They put the time in gym and said no to the waffle fries. My question is HOW or better yet WHY do they do that?

Last week, the Hubbs and I pondered my question over dinner at Chick Fil A (grilled breast no bun, half an order of the aforementioned waffle fries). Hubbs reminded me that I've spent the last decade of my life examining every issue I could find that was causing me to drive my life into a ditch. I've racked hours in my therapist's office, small groups discussing boundaries and reading books upon books on subjects ranging from co-dependency to safe people to getting finances in order. He laid it on pretty thick and I needed to hear it. He told me that I'm radically different than I was the day he met me 12 years ago so he had no doubt that if I could change as much as I had in that area of my life this new question would be a piece of cake. Yummm...cake. Crap I'm digressing.

His enthusiasm for my accomplishments was nice but it didn't ease my turmoil. That came the next day from an unexpected source, my dad. I know right? I was surprised too. Now don't get me wrong, my dad is a pretty bright guy. If I have questions on finances, building a house or anything to do with vehicles he's my man but the human condition...not really his forte. But as he has said to me on several occasions "even a blind dog can sniff up a bone once in awhile". Anyway, our phone conversation had taken a weird turn and I ended up posing my question to him. After all the stuff I was able to change why can I not overcome this weight and writing discipline issue? He told me three things and all of them were quite brilliant:

#1 - He agreed that I've matured and healed tremendously which is probably due in part from the love of a good man namely Hubbs. However the pain that I was suffering from before helped drive my need for control over my body. It inspired me to stay fit. Now that pain is gone so is the drive. (WHOA! Holy crud that's incredible! Keep digging Dog.)
#2 - Next he's known me for a few years, like almost 36 of them. One thing I was not successful changing is my need for limits and boundaries to stay motivated. I used to hate summer vaca because I just lazed around watching TV. I was bored out of my mind with no real ambition to do anything about it. Without a reason to do something I flat out didn't do it. (Ok hold up now this is getting a little insulting.)
#3 - Lastly it's just laziness. (You understand the therapy now doncha?!) Crap, I hate it when he's right and he may have been a more than a little right on all three points especially #3!.

I know the basic logic of gain and loss. You spend more than you make you go into debt. You eat more calories than you burn you put on weight. Easy peezy we all know that but what changed for me after that marathon conversation with Dad-dog was if I had just read the self help book or just listened to my therapist and never took action it would have been a complete waste of time and resources. So while I knew what it took to finish a script or to get back into my skinny pants I'm wasn’t taking real action. Soooo....
ACTION!
Just before my dad-dog’s words brilliance, my mom called me and asked for my help. She wanted me to join weight watchers with her. I agreed to it mostly out of shock. She's never asked for something like that before and I was curious. She thought if we were in the same boat then we'd support each other and with WW I'd have the limits/boundaries I needed to be successful.

She was as correct as the dad-dog. I was stunned to find out that my Rumbi's salad was 700 calories and my 1/2 of the dessert was another 600!! Knowledge then action. Five days later I'm down a few lbs and feeling so good about it I sat down and *gasp* wrote!!

One last thing before we say adieu. After days of marinating in this new information, I realized that my new found drive came not out of the pain of my past but out of a new healthier relationship with 2 people I may have disregarded before; my parents. Wow. That's pretty awesome to think that after so many years we're back to where we started from. They are my mom and dad and I get to be the kid who still needs their wisdom.